Here are a few things I’ve heard lately that have got me thinking….
“Oh my gosh, I’m so fat.” “My clothes are so tight.” “I wish I was smaller.” “I just don’t like how I look.”
It’s usually said quietly. Almost like a joke. A little laugh after it, so it doesn’t land too hard.
But it lands anyway. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve said all those things before too.
Here’s something about me you may not know. I’m not a small girl. I’m strong. I’m close to 200 pounds. I wear a size large. And I am confident in this body…not because I’ve never struggled, but because I’ve done the work to separate my worth from a number on a tag.
So when I hear another woman tear herself apart over the exact body type I have or a smaller one, it doesn’t just affect her.
It makes me wonder what she’s really thinking about me.
And about every other woman in the room who doesn’t fit whatever size or weight is the “good” one.
That’s the part nobody talks about. Negative self-talk is never really private. You think you’re only saying it about yourself. But the people standing next to you are doing math in their heads too. If “fat” is the worst thing she can say about her body, and her body looks like mine… what does that mean for me?
It’s Not Even True
Here’s the thing I want you to sit with. Most of what we say to ourselves about our bodies isn’t actually true. It’s not a fact. It’s a story we picked up somewhere; an ad, a comment from a relative when we were twelve, a scale, a comparison to someone who isn’t you, or maybe even from an ill-informed doctor.
We didn’t write that story. Society wrote it for us, and we started repeating the lines like they were our own thoughts.
They’re not facts. They’re old programming.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
There’s a teaching from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I think about a lot. The first agreement is simple to say and hard to live: be impeccable with your word.
Ruiz talks about words being a kind of magic. Not the sleight-of-hand kind, but, real magic. Words create. The same way a seed becomes a plant, a word becomes a belief.
Use your word to build someone up, to tell the truth, to speak life. That’s white magic, good magic.
Use your word to tear someone down, to gossip, to curse your own body in the mirror, that’s black magic. And the scary part is, it doesn’t stay contained. It doesn’t just affect you. It eeks out. Other people absorb it. Children absorb it. Friends absorb it. The whole room absorbs it. It’s like poison.
Every time you call yourself fat, ugly, not enough, you’re not just casting that spell on yourself. You’re teaching everyone around you that this is the going rate for a body like yours. Like mine. Like hers.
This Isn’t About Ignoring Health
I want to be really clear about something, because I don’t want this to land wrong. This isn’t an argument against caring about your health. Strength, nutrition, movement, sleep, all of that matters, and it’s allowed to matter to you. Wanting to feel strong and capable in your body is a good goal.
The problem was never wanting to be healthy.
The problem is the voice we use to get there. You can want to change something about your body without hating the body you’re in right now. You can pursue health without poison.
I recently got a complete blood panel done. The results said everything was normal, good, excellent and my iron was even at a “beautiful” level. If I had let society’s image of health affect me, I would have, surely, considered myself “fat”, “out-of-shape”, etc. I’m grateful for the work I’ve done to know not to trust those voices and look at what really matters.
What I’m Asking
I’m not asking you to never have a hard day about your body. We all do.
I’m asking you to notice your words. Notice the casual cruelty you would never say to a friend, but say to yourself in the mirror every single morning. Notice who’s standing close enough to hear it, and what they might be quietly absorbing about their own body while you talk about yours.
Your word is powerful. Use it like it is.
Sources consulted for The Four Agreements concept: Shortform — Be Impeccable With Your Word, LitCharts — Chapter 2 Summary & Analysis
